For the First Time, Egypt Is Choosing its President, So Why Is Egypt Laughing?

• The Supreme Commission for Presidential Elections in Egypt issues application forms to Egyptians desiring to run for the highest office of President.  It has been swamped by applicants.  Its Chairman, Counselor Farouk Sultan, said that they had expected 150 such applicants.  Instead, by March 20, the number of applicants had reached 900 and counting.

• Looking at the identities of some of the would-be Presidents of the nearly 90 million Egyptians is a Nubian who came from Aswan seeking that high honor.  When newsmen asked him what his program for post-Mubarak Egypt might be, his answer was: "to fight poverty; to ban the national food of Falafel and Foul (beans) and replace it by meat."

• Any Egyptian may ask for a form stipulating the provisions authorizing the entry into the race for the Presidential office. A candidate for that Office, if not sponsored by one of the political parties represented in the new Parliament, must have a certain number of authorized signatures of citizens (30,000 such signatures) from 15 out of the 27 Provinces (Governorates) throughout Egypt.  These procedures have created a stampede to collect signatures if party backing is lacking.  The form is called "a deputizing form," on which the signer names his or her candidate for President.  The stampede, in turn, has led to new forms of corruption.  An illiterate woman, while asking for the form at an authorized office, threw it away when told about possible violations leading to a jail term.  "What?" she screamed.  Then went on to say tearfully: "This was not what we agreed upon with that candidate.  I do not need his bags of rice and sugar if my support leads me to prison!!!"

• In the meantime, another citizen, a male from the Governorate of Giza, South of Cairo, where the Pyramids stand to attest to Egypt's durability, was on his way to jail.  That individual entered the offices of the Supreme Commission for Presidential Elections to get the necessary documentation for entering the presidential electoral races.  The police immediately placed him under arrest.  For in his possession, there was a large amount of drugs, a hashish-derivative called Bango.

• Truth be told, not all Egyptians were laughing at this avalanche of high office seekers or publicity seekers.  At the entrance of one of the many "forms distribution centers," a taxi driver left his cab running at the curb to voice his indignation at the media.  Looking straight at TV cameras which were focusing on the out of ordinary office seekers, he shouted: "Shame on the Media.  You are giving our beloved Egypt a terrible name.  You are making of all of us a laughing stock.  How can the world believe that great Egypt allows a coffee vendor or a simple laborer to run for President?  In America, the limit is only two." Hey!! Welcome to popular democracy.  Love it or leave it!!

• So what is behind the nearly one thousand aspirants to the Egyptian Presidency?  Oh, yes: there goes the conspiracy theory again.  But this time, it is not in Mubarak's bed, as one of our previous blogs had indicated.  It is in the now dissolved National Party -the party through which Mubarak had governed Egypt as a security State for 32 years.  How does the National Party (Al-Foloul: in Arabic, the Remnants) get involved in this unwieldy Egyptian presidential race?  Aha!!  The presumed answer was said to have been discovered by Dr. Medhat Khafagi, a candidate for that office.  He claims that, "The Dissolved (in Arabic: "Al-Monhal") -the National Party- is trying to give the glorious January 25 Revolution a bad name!!  Therefore the Dissolved pushed the rank and file from the endless corners of Egyptian poverty to run for President including a baker, a hair dresser, and a doorman.!! Even if such unqualified individuals have no chance to be President, the fact of their applying for the job would accomplish the goal of showing the Revolution as mob-oriented!!"

He is Dead But His Crown Shall Always Shine on His Head

This issue is being written on Tuesday, March 20, 2012.  At this time, the first day of Spring, an Egyptian military plane was taking off from the Cairo Airport.  Its destination is Wadi Al-Natroon, northwest of Cairo.  It is carrying the body of a truly historic figure - Pope Shenouda III.  Two more military planes were taking off, carrying Coptic Clergy, to the same destination.  The Egyptian flags are at half-mast.  So is the flag of the League of Arab States.  It is a day of national mourning.

All of Egypt was mourning Pope Shenouda, the patriarch of Alexandria, and the spiritual leader of the Coptic Church whose roots are embedded in Egyptian soil since 200 years AD - well before the establishment of the Church in Rome.  The Greeks gave Egypt its name, which means the land of the Copts.  And the Nile gave it life for thousands of years. Herodotus described Egypt in the most succinct way: "Egypt is the Gift of the Nile."

So was Pope Shenouda, for 40 years, a gift to our world.  He stood for tolerance, for the rights of minorities, for compassion towards Christians and Muslims and Jews alike.  Through it all, including an internal exile imposed upon him by President Sadat, (Shenouda dared to have truth speak to power) Shenouda stood tall, majestic and smiling.

That historic figure, that fount of learning, that defender of the continuity of Egypt as an undying civilization, was born on August 3, 1923 in Asyut, southern Egypt.  His name was Nazeer Gayed who attended Cairo University; then, in 1954, at the age of 31, he became a monk.  His ascent to the Papacy was remarkable.  He had always combined church learning together with an incredible memory for both Ancient Egyptian history, world politics and world diplomacy.  Shenouda's cosmopolitanism was one of his many hall marks.

At the time of the rise in Mubarak's Egypt of the Salafis (Muslims to the extreme right), Pope Shenouda stood shoulder to shoulder with Al-Azhar's Rectors, especially with the late Sheikh Tantawi who was succeeded by the present Rector, Sheikh El-Taiyeb.  Together they faced down sectarian violence.  During the Mubarak regime, I saw Shenouda on TV standing up during a State function to cheer a Mubarak historic announcement.  January 7, the day when the Copts celebrate Christmas, was declared as a national Egyptian holiday.  In response to Shenouda's cheers, Mubarak quipped: "We, Muslims, did not want you to have all the fun by yourselves!!"

People who knew Pope Shenouda at a close range revelled in his wit and self-deprecating jokes.  I recall an event at the Egyptian Consulate General in New York City which was held by the then Consul-General, Ambassador Sherif El-Kholy.  The occasion was held in honor of Pope Shenouda who visited the US frequently to tend to his flock in North America, and to see his physicians.  About a hundred people were invited, most of whom were prominent Copts.

Before the Pope could begin his remarks, the audience, including me appealed to him to delight them with some of his famous jokes. He smiled and responded by a joke about the Egyptians of southern Egypt (Al-Saeed) of whom he was one.  He said: "Do you know why God created the southern Egyptians?"  We laughed but offered no answer.  Shenouda's response which arouse loud laughter: "He created them only to entertain the rest of Egypt!!"

On his last visit to the U.S., the present consul-General of Egypt, Ambassador Youssef Zada, went to the JFK airport to greet him.  There was a throng of Egyptian Copts in attendance including a lady who was lavishly dressed in red and black.  The Egyptian flag is of 3 colors: red, white and black.  As she approached to kiss the Pope's hand, the Patriarch of Alexandria smiled broadly and asked her: "Where is the third color of our flag?"  Perplexed, that lady did not respond.  As Ambassador Zada later related to me in his offense, the Pope came to her rescue: "The white must be in another place."

Mourning his passing, on behalf of all Muslims, Dr. Ahmed Al-Taiyeb, Al-Azhar's Rector hit the mark in his official eulogy of March 19.  The Sorbonne educated Rector said, in part:

Al-Azhar Al-Shareef with all its institutions, including the Supreme Council of Al-Azhar, the Consortium of Islamic Research, the Al-Azhar University and Bait Al-Aailah (the House of the Family, grouping together all creeds) grieve for the passing of this great son of Egypt.  We recall his great national stances, his pure love for Egypt and of all Egyptians, and his unwavering commitment to the establishment of communal harmony and security amongst the sons and daughters of our homeland."

Prophetically, Pope Shenouda was being flown to Wadi Al-Natroon on March 20, the first day of Spring, the season of rebirth.

Though he is dead, Shenouda III shall always have his Papal Crown shine on his head!!!

The Salafi With A Bandaged Face

It was 3:00 AM on Wednesday, February 29, 2012, when a man with a long beard, a Salafi member of the newly-elected Egyptian Parliament, walked in a police station to file a criminal complaint.  His face was nearly completely bandaged. His report caused that police station to come to full alert.  Soon a wide dragnet was in full swing.

A Salafi is supposed to be a Muslim man of God; a strict observant; a traditionalist who claims to live and act as Muslims lived and acted 1400 years ago in Arabia.  Salafis are a copy of the Wahabbis in Saudi Arabia.  To them, Sharia in its most unevolved interpretation should be the law of the land.  They were nurtured by the Mubarak regime to counterpoise the Muslim Brotherhood, which ,by comparison to the Salafis, is a moderate Muslim grouping.

The bandaged face of the complainant conveyed to the police the perpetration of a heinous crime.  That Salafi, they were convinced by his story, was a victim of an armed robbery.  It was a highway robbery between Cairo and Alexandria.  The Salafi alleged that five masked assailants had intercepted his car, beat him up with the butts of their guns, messed up his face, robbed him of 100,000 Egyptian pounds ($16,666) then sped away in their black Cherokee Jeep.

Later the Salafi with that bandaged face repeated his story before TV cameras as his distraught wife looked tearfully on.  In the meantime, the Police, fanning out in search of the criminal offenders, brought back to their station 30 black Cherokee Jeeps to investigate the whereabouts of their owners at the purported time of the alleged crime against "a man of God," and a "member of Parliament" to boot.

National security and economic resurgence were the priorities of the new Egypt.  Thuggery (baltaga) had to be stopped.  The bandaged face was to be the face of strict police reaction to the security deficit of which all Egyptians are complaining.

Suddenly people in white coats were presenting themselves to the police investigators, with shocking evidence.  A senior physician explained to the police the reason for the bandages on the face of the Salafi complainant.  The physician, through hospital uncontroverted records of his specialized establishment, had earlier that day released the Salafi from hospital following surgery for a nose job!!  The bandages were those of the "Salma Hospital for Specialised Surgery."  They were not there because of a hate crime against the Salafis.

Soon the Salafi block in the Egyptian Parliament scrambled to save face -a face without bandages.  Dismissal from Parliament of that liar with a freshly straightened nose job was the only response from national scandal. The 30 black Cherokee Jeeps and their owners were released; parliamentary immunity was lifted in order to clear the way for the Ministry of Interior to press charges for lying to the authorities; and apologies from the Salafi to his party, his movement, his Parliament, and his nation, followed in succession.

The nose job which had cost that liar eight-thousand Egyptian pounds ($1,333) had a greater cost -the credibility of the Salafi movement.  That movement was mercilessly ridiculed at the national level.  For that movement, with which the Muslim Brotherhood adamantly refused to be allied, had defied the moderateness of Islam as called for by Al-Azhar, the historic seat of Islamic learning in Cairo for more than one-thousand years.

The national program of the Salafis became a rich subject for cartoonists.  Calls by the Salafis from their headquarters in Alexandria, for covering ancient Egyptian monuments with wax, for stopping and teaching of English, and for the full niqab (full face cover) became the subjects of ridicule.  "Nose-gate" has just entered the vocabulary of post-Mubarak Egypt.

LIAR LIAR, YOUR PANTS (OR NOSE) ON FIRE!!!

The Theory of Conspiracy in Mubarak's Bed

You would never see a defendant being rolled in a cage in a court room in a bed, except in Egypt.  Mubarak of Egypt is on trial, and the bed on which he lays has ignited the rumor mill and has helped sustain the theory of conspiracy.

Whenever his name is called by the presiding judge, Mubarak's response "present" is loud and clear.  His hair is black - so he must be attended to by someone who dyes his hair - sitting.

According to the theory of conspiracy, Mubarak was advised by SCAF (the Supreme Council of Armed Forces), Egypt's present de facto Government, not to appear in court standing.  Lying in bed, it is rumored, is intended to lessen the shock of showing the deposed dictator of Egypt standing in a cage before civilian judges.  The bed prop may also generate some sympathy towards him in a public that is traditionally emotional and forgiving to those who have fallen from power.  An Arabic proverb sums it all up: "Respect those who were mighty until their days of power have come to and end."


The demonstrators of Tahrir have wished to hear Mubarak defending himself against charges of corruption, use of deadly force against peaceful demonstrators, torture, and illegal diversion of public funds and State land.  Some of those demonstrators want to see him hang.  Their vengefulness is an outcome of thirty years of misrule and suppression.

In this context, the present plans to have Mubarak join his 2 sons and other fallen high-level defendants at the Tora Farm prison is under constant attack.  "Why treat Mubarak differently from treating any other common criminal?!"

The rumor mill in Egypt goes on its merry way, conjecturing that may be, when he is not lying in bed, "like a mummy" in court, he plays squash - his most favorite sport.  The conspiracy theorists also posit that the trial of this modern day "Pharaoh" is a mere show whose scenario has been written by SCAF.  In essence, they are busy spreading the word that even moving their former dictator from "the International Medical Center," where he is pretended to be in intensive care, to the Tora Farm prison where his two sons, together with the rest of Mubarak & Sons, Inc., shall be accompanied by superb amenities.

The appeals motion submitted by the Mubarak defense team to have their client and his two sons released, with all what they have accumulated by way of illegal wealth divested to the State treasury, has been summarily dismissed.  Their other motion calling for trying him before a military tribunal (after all, he is a military man who had headed the Egyptian Air Force) was debunked by the Chief of Military Justice, General Adel Al-Morsi.  On what grounds?  At a press conference held in Cairo on Wednesday, February 29, Al-Morsi declared that "Mubarak does no longer enjoy any military status enabling Military Justice jurisdiction to attach to him."  But was not Mubarak the Egyptian Commander in Chief?  General Al-Morsi responded brusquely: "that title was merely honorific!!"

The attempts by the Mubarak defense team to separate the most grievous charges against him, namely ordering the killing of 850 demonstrators in January/February 2011, from the lesser charges of corruption, was behind the failed move to have their client appear before a more sympathetic judicial military panel.

No one yet knows what the Mubarak trial will produce by the way of a credible verdict.  The SCAF seems to be distancing itself from him, in spite of the narrative of the conspiracy theorists.  The Islamists seem to be more concerned with how to develop, through their parliamentary majorities in the two houses of Parliament, their skills to govern an Egypt of a historic diversity.  The Tahrir demonstrators are bereft of a coherent ideology, except, at least for now, to get the SCAF back to the barracks.  The Government of Dr. Al-Ganzouri is struggling to slow the free fall of the Egyptian economy.

With or without his bed, Mubarak's sympathizers are mainly outside Egypt - in Jordan and the Gulf area.  While in Jordan last week before a Jordanian Court to defend an international client, I heard people wondering aloud: "Why subject an 83 year old man, a former president of the most populous Arab State, to those indignities?"  The answer lies in the 60 year old history of an Egypt ruled by the iron fist of a brutalizing military dictatorship.  That era is over!!